10 Tips To Stress Management and Relief For Your Better Life

Unmet expectations usually cause stress; commitments made that you find hard to get out of, biting more than you can chew, expectations that others have of you, and you feel you can no longer meet. Anxiety and frustration are also part of the causes of stress. Stress can kill; your eating habits change, you lose appetite and the whole meaning of food in your body, you shrink and lose weight, and you can die out of stress-related complications. Stress is a mental test. It's a condition of the mind. It is therefore not imposed on anyone, but one willfully gets into stress mode. I admit openly that I know what stress can do, as I attempted suicide before in my life. 

Stress/ Photo by Pexels

Now that is the worst thing that can happen. I could not sleep for more than 2 hours, stressing over things I had no control over. I became selfish, thinking only about myself and my problem such that many people in my life were cut out and what was going on in my brain. 

My stress became started spreading to my immediate family and then the extended family. Their problem was finding out the cause of the stress. Whenever someone asked (my wife included), I would highlight the cause glossy way; pointing at symptoms more than the real problem. 

One day I made a resolute decision to quit this dangerous mode and live a normal life.

1. Identify the root of the stress - 

Stress is not generalized. The solution to stress is to identify the root cause; without that, the perpetual stress frequency will resonate. It is sometimes even stressful to find a way out of stress. If you address a problem by shooting the symptoms, we can safely say you have found a very creative way of wasting time. You will not get out of stress. Does your character cause the problem, or is it external (other people, economy, social environment). 

If so, what exactly is triggering the stress? If you cannot be genuine about what you are going through, you will never get a genuine solution. Living in denial about the cause of the stress incubates or nurtures the stress until it graduates into depression.

2. Eliminate the potential sources of stress - 

Once you identify what leads you to be stressed, begin to remove those elements from your life. Isolate each cause of stress and begin to walk out of it. You can do an outright shift or a gradual one where you take baby steps out of it. E.g., If the debt is such a stress trigger, stop the things that increase the debt but start using your savings no matter how small to reduce the debt one baby step at a time. 

Disassociate from people whose conduct and speech leave you stressed. Block online contacts that fuel the stress levels in you. Avoid doing things that remind you of pain.

3. Find alternative things to focus on - 

It is easy to be bogged down in one line of thinking, and it seems at that point that it is the only thing to be thought of. The mind is generally a creative instrument, but there are instances when the creativity processes are shut down by one line of thought, which the mind locks on to. In that state, everything else, no matter how good, is locked out. 

The mind enlarges all that you focus on. When the focus is on the problem, stress is on the increase. Pretend you have no problem and find a positive thing to lock on to. It may be a solution to the stress that you may be processing or something different, a new area of passion. Just occupy your mind with a new trend of thinking.

4. Monitor what enters your mind - 

There are many sources of information. When stressed, you sometimes hop from person to person, looking for specific statements, confirmations, sympathy, and encouragement. When those do not come, when people pretend not to see you or know about your problem, it adds to the stress you may be in. Are you getting positive news on TV? 

Are the friends calling you positive or just telling you how you may not come out of the pit of stress? Stress is more mental than it is physical. It grows like cancer in mind. It only becomes physical as it leads to depression and total shutdown of organs in the body. It is hard to think differently if you continue to expose yourself to the same variables or conditions that stress you. If being among crowds is a stress point, go away to a park, drive to a game resort, interface with nature. While you are far from home, your mind may think differently.

5. Revisit the job you are doing - 

Are you working just to feed your family, and yet you don't feel passionate about what you are doing? That could certainly be a stress trigger. Observe what you are passionate about. Sometimes people stretch themselves too far to try and be fruitful in areas that they are not competent and passionate about. You can only be fruitful to the degree that you have mastered the trade and also added your passion to what you do. 

Skill without passion is always to produce stress. Passion without skill raises anxiety. Have a balance of the two, and your work will not bring you stress. If you are an employee, always understand the expectations of your employer to avoid frustrations. You don't want your employer to have expectations that are not communicated to you. Has your job description been clarified to avoid stress?

6. Watch your standard of living - 

Sometimes, we pitch our standard of living so many levels higher than where we are at right now. It almost seems impossible to attain that level, yet we want people to think that we have arrived. The gap between reality and aspiration gives you the level of stress people live under. If I want my friends to think I live well and have a good job, I will do all it takes, even if it means renting a big house, borrowing cars, or renting a car. All this extra effort is so expensive as it eats so much into the financial resources available. If you want a stress-free life, then aim high but not to discourage you from walking towards the aim. 

Live within your means while you save cash for the life you want. Do not put yourself under unnecessary pressure. The people you are trying to impress may not be interested but simply minding their own business. It is a waste of time, energy, and resources to create an image that does not exist. It is a stress enhancer.

7. Get the skeleton out of the cupboard - 

This is a hard one. Sometimes people have secrets known to themselves only. They vouch that "I can never tell anyone about this." However, I have noticed that it is so stressful thinking about my skeleton all the time for me. You can even go as far as dressing the "skeleton" up in such a way that even if people stumble across it, it is so prim and proper such that the impact is cushioned.

Living a double life is a stress booster. The only way to bust the stress is to expose the secrets to people you know hold confidence and can walk you through the torrid moments of life. Be real; be open enough so that your attention is not always taken by efforts to conceal who you are. Get all the help necessary. I know of Pastors who, because of the title and expectations of the role they carry, concealed their struggles, didn't get help on time, and to this day, they still live in denial that they have hardcore morality and drinking issues. When you expose a problem, its grip on you is loosened. 

Become accountable to someone and walk-up. So what if people know? It does not matter as long as you find the help you need. Exercise wisdom in choosing people who should know. If you are not ready for the world to know, carefully select a few trusted and close people.

8. Be intentional about avoiding and moving out of stress - 

Can say no. People walk into stress by being "yes" people. I used to be like that. I couldn't afford to "disappoint" anyone by refusing what they ask from me, but soon after saying yes, I would regret the favor's duration. Also, be intentional in creating time for relaxation, listening to music, eating your favorite meals. No one can create that for you. Please go out and get help from those who can offer it professionally. You may need that pull from the pit. 

Things that you cannot control, especially other people, are not worth stressing over. Focus on what is within your capacity to manage and change. However, if someone is a source of the stress, avoid piling it all up as it will blow up someday; speak to them about how they make you feel. They may not know how much stress they put you under. Educate them on their role in lumping stress on you.

9. Make the best out of the worst - 

You may be facing the worst darkest season of your life, but every season has an expiry date. Look at the positive side of your stressful situation and see what you can make of it. All things work together for your good if you decide to change your perception and line of thinking. Yes, you lost your job, but it created time with family; you lost a car and saved on fuel, maintenance, etc. Think positive. There is no situation that is so dim that positive outcomes cannot be extracted. 

When you find the best in a situation, you avoid self-pity and self-condemnation. You can forgive yourself and turn a fresh page.

10. Prioritize the issues in your life - 

You cannot be all things to all men and still live normally. In a day, prioritize the things that are a must and the "nice to have." You cannot do everything in one day and finish. Do your tasks in phases. It may be little by little, but the important thing is getting closer to the end goal. When you plan your activities, you have no reason for anxiety. 

All you do is walk into your plan and not run from pillar to post, wondering how all the activities can be done. Leave out the less important at the bottom of the list. Prioritize where to spend your money as well. Focus on immovable assets that things that depreciate the day you buy them. Prioritize your education fees over heavy entertainment. 

It is easy to be stressed over how others are living happy lives, not realizing that while you were chasing "things," they were chasing career development